Called to transformation

First then, what do we mean by meeting in a small group? The obvious question is - how big is a small group? There is no definite answer. Many churches have small groups. They can be as small as three and as large as 12 or even bigger. In this article, we are also going to include two people meeting together as a small group - what we will call one-to-one.

What the group does together is as important as the number of people. A small group is not just a very small church community. It is part of a larger community. Even if that larger community is only 20 people. The larger church community carries out all the functions of the church. There is teaching, communion, baptisms, prayer and worship.

But in the small group, the function is more limited. Many small groups have a focus on prayer or Bible study. Or they may get together to serve or do mission. Or they may have a focus on training or coaching. But while they support people to live as disciples in some particular way, it is just part of what the wider church does. But whatever they do, an important of that is encouraging and supporting each other to live out their calling to be growing into the likeness of Christ.

Why should we meet in a small group?

In the previous article, we looked into why it is helpful to be part of a church community. And in particular, the good things that we get from gathering together as a large group. Even though some people question the need, most believers recognise the importance of being part of this type of community. And if people are looking to join a church community, there are usually a number of potential options.

That is not always the case with small groups. In many churches, they are not available. And small groups are not mentioned as such in the Bible. So, some people may have more questions about the why of meeting in a small group than they do about a large group.

As we shall see, some of the whys for meeting in a small group and a large group are shared. There are some things that can be done in both. But as we shall also see, small groups have particular advantages. They can provide additional benefits in seeking to grow in discipleship. Let’s look at some of these.

Knowing God

The first advantage of a small group is that it can be a great place to grow and deepen in our relationship with God. Small groups often focus on reading and studying the Bible together. That in itself is a way to grow in our understanding of what God is like. But we can also do that by listening to a sermon in church or a podcast. What does a small group offer that these don’t?

First, there is a chance to explore and wrestle with what the Bible is saying together. It is rare to be able to do that in a church setting. In a small group, we can ask questions, hear from each other and get insights from a range of people in the group. In doing this, people don’t just bring their understanding of facts about God. They also bring their experience. We don’t just read and study about God’s love and faithfulness. We hear from people who have experienced that in the middle of suffering and hardship. We don’t just hear and read of the power and authority of God. We hear from people who have experienced the powerful work of God in their lives.

This can also happen in a large church. But the larger the church, the harder it is to be able to hear from others about their experience of knowing God. And in many churches, there is not the time or the culture of sharing deeply about what God is doing in our lives. The small group is a setting where this can happen and does happen. It can be a powerful place to grow in our understanding and experience of God.

Encouragement

Small groups can also be a place of great encouragement. We are encouraged not just by what we hear, but also by what we see. And the smaller the group, the easier it is to hear and see what God is doing in the lives of others. We get to see what it means to live faithfully as a disciple. We see up close and personal the way that a brother or sister faithfully and joyfully continues to follow Jesus through suffering and hardship. We see the way a brother or sister humbly depends on God to provide and lead through difficult circumstances. We see people who give sacrificially to care for others. We see faith in action. We see humility in action. We see love in action. And all of these can encourage us in our own life with God.

And close relationships also provide the opportunity to be supported by others. If a small group is working well, it is place of safety where we can be vulnerable to share the struggles and questions and challenges that we are facing. It is a place where we experience love. Through listening and prayer. Through care and concern. Through practical support. Again, these can all happen in a large group. But a small group provides an environment where these can happen more easily.

Transformation

The last why that we will look at is transformation. It is here that the small group excels. The large group of the church community is a great place to learn and to hear, to grow in our depth of our understanding and knowledge of God. But it is possible to attend church every week, listen to the most wonderful sermons in the world and come away unchanged.

As we saw in the last article, God works in us by the Holy Spirit (2 Corinthians 3:18). We have been changed and we are being changed. But we are also to take part in that work of transformation. We are urged to be doers of the Word (James 1:22). And doing is a large part of God’s work of transformation.

Some sermons encourage application to help people be doers and not just hearers. But again, it is possible to let this part of the sermon float over our heads. It is very easy to be a hearer. And much harder to be a doer.

The small group is not a guaranteed way to address these issues. But, although it is possible to hear without doing in a small group, it is less likely than in a large group. If the small group is functioning well, people will be challenged by the word of God, and they will be encouraged and supported to make real and practical change. There is an opportunity to talk about what we are learning and importantly what we are doing. There is greater depth of relationships and more accountability. And it is not just about a harsh checking up on each other. It is graciously supporting and encouraging each other toward change. Not by telling others what to do. But by living it out ourselves and being an example.

This sort of interaction requires honesty and vulnerability. And it requires a desire to be deepening in our relationship with God and growing in Christlikeness. But if those things are present, the small group provides a wonderful environment to support our change and growth.

Why should we meet one-to-one?

The power of close relationships

So, these are reasons why it is helpful to meet as a small group. What about one-to-one? Are there any particular advantages of meeting one-to-one? To help answer that question, I’d like to share a bit of my own experience.

When I was a baby believer, another older Christian named Garry offered to meet with me. He had been alongside me the whole time I had been exploring the Christian faith. So, we knew each other well. He was only a few years older, but to me he was a spiritual giant. We met together regularly to look at some of the basic doctrines of the faith. But more importantly we looked at the how of the Christian life.

He was able to address my questions about all the sorts of issues that came up around what it looked like to follow Jesus. He also encouraged me to build practices into my life, very much like the things that we are exploring in this series. But he was much more than a teacher or trainer or counsellor. He was a model. I saw in him what it meant to follow Jesus. And I saw in him a desire to grow in depth and maturity. And I saw him taking steps to live that out.

There is no question that my relationship with Garry was one of the most influential relationships in my life. He helped me build foundations that have been helpful all my life. And he provided a living example of what I could aspire to as a follower of Jesus. Even 45 years later, I am still hugely grateful.

The second one-to-one relationship that I want to talk about is different. Keith is a friend from my local church. Thirty years ago, we felt it would be encouraging for both of us to meet regularly. We aimed to meet every six weeks or so. We haven’t always been regular in doing that. With children and living overseas and busy work seasons there have sometimes been long gaps. We no longer attend the same church. But we continue to meet.

For me, my relationship with Keith is precious. We talk about what is going on in our lives. We will sometimes read a book and talk about that. We share about our relationships with our wives, about how our kids are going, about work and church and ministry and things we find hard and things we struggle with. We pray for each other. And Keith is a person I can trust completely. I know he will hold my words and my actions with grace. He provides a safe space. But he doesn’t let me coast along. Not by challenging me directly. But by his own life. His constant desire to serve God well. His godly character. His integrity. The quality of his relationships. I see another person seeking to follow Jesus with all his heart. It encourages me to do the same.

There is no question that my relationship with Keith continues to be one the most influential in my life. He constantly inspires me to live differently. I am fortunate to have other wonderful and close Christian friends who I see regularly and who also inspire and encourage me in similar ways. But I offer Keith as an example of a relationship where we intentionally meet to encourage and support each other to grow as followers of Jesus.

In talking about these two types of relationships, it is important to point out that neither of them is one way. Meeting with a younger Christian is never a one way relationship of teaching and encouragement. As it says in the book of Proverbs: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17). No matter what the difference in age or length of time we have been following Jesus, encouragement is a two way process. We both benefit.

Personal

So, coming back to the why of meeting one-to-one, these examples show what has helped me and what motivates me to have this kind of one-to-one relationship. There are some advantages to one-to-one that are difficult to achieve even in a small group. The first is that it is personal. It is possible and even desirable to be personal in a small group. But the more people there are in the group, the harder this becomes.

When I was a younger Christian, Garry was able to focus on the specific issues that I had questions about or was struggling with. There were things we could talk about that would be very difficult in a small group. And he could give the time to focus on the personal issues that I was going through.

The same is true in my relationship with Keith. We can focus on issues that interest us both. We can explore books that interest us and discuss topics that are relevant for us both. We can also share deeply about what is going on in our lives because of the depth of relationship, our knowledge of each other and the trust that we share. The ability to share about deep and personal issues has been a wonderful part of these relationships. And not just for the chance to hear and be heard. But because of the opportunity that it provides to grow and be transformed In Christlikeness.

Accountability

A second advantage of one-to-one is increased accountability. The smaller the group, the harder it is to hide things that are going on in our lives that we don’t want people to know about. With one-to-one, it is even harder. The idea of accountability can sound harsh or judgemental and not very attractive. But being accountable to someone who is gentle and gracious is not something to be feared – it is something to be treasured.

Keith and I don’t check up on each other to find out where we have gone wrong since we last met. But if there is something in our lives that we are struggling with, we share about it, pray for each other and give the other person permission to check back in and see how we are doing. If accountability is done in the right way, we can welcome it because it can be hugely helpful in dealing with things in our lives and growing in spiritual maturity.

Modelling

The third advantage of one-to-one is modelling. My relationship with Garry was a sort of mentoring or coaching role. But Garry did far more than give me information or teach me some skills for living the Christian life. He lived it out in front of me. And because it was a one-to-one relationship where we spent time together, I could see very closely what he thought, what motivated him, what excited him, what frustrated him and how he reacted and dealt with all those things. Seeing it lived out was far more powerful than hearing from a distance what I should do. It motivated and encouraged me to do the same and be the same.

Reproducibility

The fourth and last advantage that I will mention is that a one-to-one relationship has a greater chance of being reproducible. We will look at the idea of reproducibility further in later articles. But I will just say here that one-to-one relationships are not just good for our own growth in discipleship. We can be used by God to help others to grow through one-to-one relationships. That can sound difficult and many people can feel ill equipped to do that. But one-to-one relationships can be an ideal setting to train others to do the same with someone else. They can be an opportunity not just to be equipped, but to equip others for growth in discipleship.

Why – bringing it all together

So, bringing together the why of one-to-one relationships, they bring many of the good things that small groups offer but they have additional advantages. Good one-to-one relationships can be a place of safety, encouragement and challenge where we can learn, develop new skills, see the life of discipleship modelled and be spurred on to change by being held accountable.

Putting it into practice

So, that is the what and the why. What about the how? How do we put meeting in a small group and one-to-one into practice?

Meeting as a small group

The first way to put this into practice is to simply join a small group. This may be fairly simple in a larger church community. Many larger churches have small groups. If that is the case, it is simply a matter of signing up and joining a group.

If your local church doesn’t have small groups, you may have to take the initiative. See if there are a couple of other people in your church who have the same desire to grow in discipleship and find a time to meet together. Usually meeting every week or second week is doable and frequent enough to build close relationships.

What you do together can vary. You may decide to have a focus on prayer. You can share what is happening in your life and pray for each other and for other things. As you get to know each other, there is also an opportunity to support each other in the things you face in your life. Ideally, this is not limited to the time you meet. As you have capacity, you can support each other in prayer and practical ways between meetings as well.

Or you may want to include some time engaging with the Bible together. This can be as simple as reading a passage together, taking a few moments to reflect on it, and then sharing your response to what has struck you in that passage.

Meeting one-to-one

Getting involved in a one-to-one relationship may not be as easy as finding a small group. Many churches have small groups, but fewer have organised one-to-one mentoring or peer relationships.

If you are young in faith, consider looking for a mentor relationship like I had with Garry. Find someone who has been a Christian for a bit longer and seems mature in their faith and ask them if they would be prepared to meet up. Some people like Garry may be equipped to help you grow as a disciple and to help you build a foundation of practice like the things we cover in these articles. But be prepared for some people to be surprised or to unsure about what to do. If they are unsure of what to do, you can suggest getting together and simply spend the time reading the Bible and praying together.

And if you have been following Jesus for some time and don’t have one already, you may like to think about looking for a peer relationship like I have with Keith. Consider approaching a friend or someone you know at church and asking them if they would like to meet up on a regular basis. It does not have to be often and what you do together may vary. But you both agree that the intention of the time is to support and encourage each other to grow to know God more deeply and to grow in maturity. Christian books can often be a good focus in these relationships. It increases the motivation to read, allows you to explore topics or issues that you may not normally cover and provides a focus for your discussion. But it can also just be a time to share what is going on in your lives and to pray for one another.

Which or all of those?

I realise that I have mentioned three possibilities for ways to put in place the practice of meeting in a small group – a small group, one-to-one mentor and one-to-one peer. I am not suggesting that everyone should be doing all three. It is unlikely to be possible or practical for everyone. But depending on your circumstances, I would suggest that you consider at least one of these options.

But if you do have the time, you may like to consider continuing with a one-to-one relationship even if you join a small group. Even though you can meet more frequently if you like, once a month is often a manageable space between meetings. As we explored, one-to-one relationships have even greater advantages for our growth that go beyond being part of a small group. Meeting in this way can be hugely encouraging.

Summing up

To wrap up, in this article we have explored further the second spoke in our wheel - our calling to transformation. This change is God’s work, but it is also our work. Transformation happens as we grow in our relationship with God through engaging with the Bible and engaging in prayer. And as we saw in the last article, we grow as we meet together in the larger church community.

In this article, we have seen that small groups - including one-to-one relationships - bring special advantages that build on the good things that we get from meeting in a larger group as a church community. They can also be a powerful way that God uses to help us grow.

In the next article, we will explore the next spoke in the wheel of discipleship – our calling to ministry – to dig down into our understanding of what ministry is. And to look at a few other questions. How do we work out where God may be calling us to minister? How can we use the gifts and abilities and resources that God has given us to make a difference in the lives of people around us? These are two of the questions that we will explore as we start looking at the doing side of following Jesus.